April 2001

Make way for the indoorsy Canuck!

OK, I confess. I'm an indoorsy Canadian, and I'm not going to be ashamed of it anymore, dammit! I've lived in this country for over 25 years, and I still don't have the urge to go camping, or snowboarding, or mountain biking. The one time I tried to inline skate, I fell over. And, even though I like hiking every once in a while, I can only appreciate it when I get to come home to a hot shower and a nice meal afterwards.

If you're a friend of mine in this fair country, you've probably noticed by now that I suddenly seem to be very busy whenever I'm invited on a camping trip, or a ski trip, or even a weekend at the cottage. And, please believe me, it's not that I don't want to hang out with you- it's just that I don't like pretending to have fun. Fun, for me, does not involve insects, or pit toilets, or specialized equipment.

Plus, I refuse to invest in the wardrobe and accessories for these activities. I mean, I could buy a beautiful Jones New York suit for the cost of a pop-up tent. The fact is that I like being outside as much as anyone, but my idea of outdoors fun is sitting by the Rideau Canal reading a book. Not canoeing down it!

Unfortunately, if you believe the Canadian media, I am a rare bird indeed. It seems that every time I turn on the television, I'm inundated with images of buff, sporty Canadians pushing their limits. I don't know whether it's yet another ploy to differentiate us from those yanks, but it seems that we're continually portrayed as a country of people who revel in extreme sports (Sorry, but I'm really not interested in extreme anything!), wear flannel shirts, and share beer around the campfire, while discussing the hockey score.

Sadly, since the age of eight, camping has been my idea of hell. I remember going with my parents and sister and the camp trailer all around Alberta in my younger days. My sister (who is now a card-carrying 'bushwoman' and archeologist) loved it. I, instead, begged my parents to check us into a motel. Oh, how I longed for those little, individually wrapped soaps!

I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with the large percentage of us canucks who enjoy outdoor life. But, it makes me crazy sometimes when we're all tarred with the same brush. I mean, this is the country of Leonard Cohen and Alice Munro as well as the land of Don Cherry. I'm sure that there are other indoorsy Canadians out there-- my kindred spirits who choose reading over sports, disdain SUVs, and adore Algonquin Park only through the perpsective of a Group of Seven painting.

And so, in this beautiful land, I send out a call for tolerance. Accept us indoorsy ones as part of the great cultural mosaic that makes up this country! Scoff not when we decline ski trips! Don't ask us directions to the Mountain Equipment Co-op! And, heavens, please don't ever come near us with plaid flannel…