March 1999

On turning 26...

So, I've been 26 for a month and a half now, and I'm still having a hard time dealing with it. Think about it-- 26-- god, a grownup age. For some reason or another it sounds older than say, 27 or 28- prime late 20s numbers. 26 is just this crappy cusp-- the transition into the last part of your second decade.

My dear friend here in Ottawa, Steph, keeps telling me that I should stop freaking out about age issues, that age doesn't matter and all that. And I don't know if I'm freaking out about getting older per se. It's just that I remember exactly what I was doing 10 years ago. I remember how it was to be 16 and in grade 11, and I remember what clothes I was wearing and what music I was listening to (and I have some of those clothes now, and I still listen to that music. Tho, for the record, the clothes are vintage so they were old already and the music is The Smiths.) and I feel like I'm pretty much the same person. But older. And not necessarily wiser.

And what messed me up even more about turning 26 is that when I was watching MuchMusic (as I do waaaay too often) I saw this video which stuck in my mind. It's for the New Radicals' song "You Get What You Give". In the video, a bunch of hip looking young people take over a mall and toss all the older career-types either in cages, or make them work at the fast food kiosks. I *really* flipped out when I realized that if I was in that mall, there would be a good chance that the lead singer from the New Radicals would be putting me in a cage as well. Of course I'd protest-- "just because I have a decent job and a good car doesn't mean that I'm not crazy and free anymore, really!! I'm the same stupid and confused girl I was at 16! I haven't learned anything!!!"-- but it would be no use.

At any rate, since I turned 26, and saw that bloody video, I've been acting as childish and silly as possible. And I've been drunk far too much.