The following pulse-pounding sporting event was generously shared by Carol Orosco on Speculations Rumor Mill (a message board for spec fiction writers. You don't have to subscribe to the quarterly spec fiction market gold mine known as Speculations to participate, but usually people who become involved in the RM end up subscribing, because it's so valuable for a writer).
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Message 977 was left by Carol Orosco on 2003-05-21 14:08:30. Feedback: 0/0

Some silliness inspired by the betting thread in Rejection Strategies...

*riiinnng*

And they’re off! Out of the gate it’s Deathless Prose with a sim-sub to the Big 5, with Authoritis giving him some stiff competition on the outside. Vanity Press can’t get any respect, Interminable Series is plodding along, and four lengths behind it’s...Bewildered
Newbee...

At the first turn, the rejections start to take their toll. Deathless Prose is hit by an Alas and a Pink Slip of Death. Authoritis is tripped up by badly-copied form letters. Vanity Press escapes the onslaught but can’t get ahead. Interminable Series is immune to criticism and gains more shelf space. And buried in the back by a hail of submission guidelines is Bewildered NewBee...

In the backstretch, Interminable Series is expanding fast, with Deathless Prose crowding in along the rail. Authoritis exhibits superior marketing and relegates Vanity Press to the local authors’ section. Falling further behind to enter contests from the back of Writer’s Digest is Bewildered Newbee...

At the far turn, Interminable Series has a commanding lead, with Deathless Prose slavering for attention. Authoritis finds a reputable agent and closes the gap. Vanity Press can’t fight his way out of the bargain bin. And chasing the pack with endorsements by his friends and family is Bewildered Newbee...

They’re in the home stretch, and Interminable Series is finally losing stream. Deathless Prose starts a letter-writing campaign from his internet fan base. Authoritis submits sample chapters for his trilogy. Vanity Press goes wide with a promotional tie-in to a sports team, but he’s pushed aside by —- good lord, bouyed by sheer determination it’s Bewildered Newbee...

Heading for the finish line it’s Deathless Prose, Interminable Series and Authoritis. Vanity Press drops back into obscurity while Bewildered Newbee does his research for the final push. Interminable Series makes a drunken remark at a convention and is slapped down. Now it’s Deathless Prose and Authoritis neck and neck followed by Bewildered Newbee waving a double-spaced manuscript and SASE with proper postage.

Authoritis gets a contract for the trilogy, Deathless Prose leverages his name for an anthology deal, and Bewildered Newbee makes it out of the slush pile. Authoritis slows to write his trilogy, Deathless Prose is swamped by fan fiction and Bewildered Newbee surges onto the editor’s desk.

Authoritis recovers his rhythm, but it’s too late. Deathless Prose gets mired in copyright suits and falls back. Bewildered Newbee makes a break for daylight with his fresh ideas and, yes! Bewildered Newbee strikes a chord with the readership becomes the Next Big Thing!

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